Intimacy and Closeness as part of Emotional Literacy

The word intimacy is often misunderstood. Most people think of it as physical intimacy such as hugging, caressing, kissing or sex. However, think about it, if there is no emotional intimacy between people (i.e. emotional connection!) and a sense of security in the contact and relationship, then how can physical intimacy go further.

In order to truly open up to a partner (or friends!) and go deep into that relationship, we first need to feel safe enough to share our own fears, mistakes, or pain, and ultimately to accept each other. , with compassion and empathy. But unfortunately for many people, physical intimacy is easier than emotional intimacy. For some others it is the other way around. However, most people avoid emotional intimacy or connection, focusing on physical intimacy, using sex to alleviate their vulnerability.

But in order to be emotionally intimate with a partner, we must first be intimate with ourselves, feel our own vulnerability, without judgment, and develop healthy self-love. If we are not comfortable with our own vulnerability, we cannot fully receive the vulnerability of our partner, and so our emotional intimacy is blocked. No matter how hot the sex is or how much physical intimacy we have, if we don't develop or lack emotional intimacy and security in the relationship, we won't be able to express ourselves and our relationship can falter.

On a personal level, we need to establish safe and healthy boundaries in order to establish intimacy on all levels. This safety is more than the feeling of "feeling safe" and boundaries do not mean rejection or avoidance.

It is about taking care of yourself!

Our body gives us constant guidance on what is safe and what is not. The more in touch we are with our body, the more we can receive these messages, which also put us in touch with our vulnerability. It is important to hear these bodily feelings that go deeper than sexual feelings. Most of the time they are trapped under the layers of our prejudices, emotions, experiences or pains.. It is easy to rationalize these deep feelings, judging ourselves, not opening up when we don't feel safe. But don't listen to your mind, rather trust your body and don't criticize or judge yourself for how you feel.

Emotional Intimacy (Emotional Literacy!) goes hand in hand with confidence, knowing that we can be fully accepted as we are with all our vulnerability. But before we can accept another person (partner or friend), and express ourselves, we must be able to be emotionally literate towards ourselves and learn to love ourselves by seeing ourselves in dark and bright light, without to lie to ourselves that we are the best or to hide our weaknesses from ourselves. Why if it is not so, we will continue to look for the "perfect" partner or the "prince on the white horse", who never comes.

Sometimes we unconsciously look for a "savior" in our partner, but it is a projection of what we deny or avoid giving to ourselves: healthy self-love, vulnerability and inner security, the pleasure of being alone with ourselves. Before we can develop deeper trust with our partner, we need to be able to trust ourselves and the intuition that comes from our own body.

 

~ Bernhard Gunther